Coincidences

My favorite definition of a coincidence is "a minor miracle for which God gets no credit."

Today a gentleman from out of town stopped in to the office to see if a man who had died in a house fire 27 years ago was from our church. By "coincidence," I happened to be in the neighborhood when that house fire occurred. And so while the deceased wasn't from our church, I was able to direct this gentleman to the correct church.

Now, this wasn't a "big deal," and if I hadn't been able to help him, he wouldn't have been surprised. But how cool to have been there, remembered the fire, and also be able to direct this man where he needed to go. It's a small issue, but just another example of how staying in one place for a long time makes you a part of the history of the community.

When I first came here I would listen to the "old timers" talk about community people and go through their "genealogies:" "You remember Sadie, don't you? She was married to Barny Evers, John Johanson's first cousin who used to live in the Bowers house." I thought it was so funny! No, I can follow the genealogy and usually know most of the people!

And that's no coincidence.

Still More ...

I hate to sound like a broken record, but a couple of weeks ago a young couple showed up in our worship service. The husband worked with one of our members, so I assumed that was their connection with us. But the next week they showed up along with her mother -- and I realized that this was one of those networking connections from years ago. I had met her parents and worked with them on some projects at least 25 years ago. That connection certainly wasn't the only reason they chose to visit our church now, but it didn't hurt to know that as they walked into our church at least one familiar face was waiting!

I simply cannot over estimate the cumulative value of years of community service that are now coming to fruition. These are the sorts of contacts that a pastor who moves every five or six years (or who never gets out of his church and into the community) will never see!

Long Term Benefits

This past Sunday was a classic example of the value of being a long-term pastor -- as reflected in three visitors who attended for the first time.

The first was a couple whom I had first met over 25 years ago when we moved to town. They were interning at another church in town at the time and then moved away. But when they returned to town recently they decided to follow-up on our old relationship.

A second visitor was a gentleman (and his wife) whom I had visited in the hospital 15 years ago after he had suffered a stroke. He was not a member of our church, but I had met him through one of our members and stopped in to see him. Despite the fact that he recovered from his stroke so many years ago, he has never forgotten my visit! The couple lives an hour north and are active in a church near their home but drove down Sunday just to see me and thank me again for that simple act of pastoral care so long ago.

A third visitor was a young woman who had been employed at another church in town. A year or two ago she wrote me a very kind but rather critical letter about an article that had been published in the local paper about our youth ministry. The article implied that we were calling our youth ministry the largest in town, and her letter questioned whether that statement was true and whether such a claim truly mattered anyway. Rather than be defensive about it, I paid her a brief visit in which I apologized for any misunderstanding and assurred her that the statement was made by the reporter and not by any of our staff.

So imagine my surprise to see her in our worship service Sunday. Afterward she told me that she had been released from her job with the other church, so she and her husband were looking for a new church home.

Having a long-term relationship with your church also means that you gain a long-term relationship with your community. The "payoff" for these relationships is not always (or often) immediate, but it's gratifying when it comes!

Reading through the Bible

I suppose there are a dozen "Read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year" books out there. A couple of years I used the Chronological Bible in a Year, but found myself frustrated that I didn't get to the New Testament until what seemed like November. So late last year when I came across "Seasons of Reflection," published by the International Bible Society, I decided to give it a try. What a delightful edition of the Bible! For each day you read an Old Testament, New Testament and Psalm or Proverb portion. In addition the editors do their best to present the texts in chronological order (Job follows the Pentateuch, for example).

Since the Bibles are only about $6.00 each (including shipping), we ordered them for our people and sold out several cases. What is even more encouraging -- a lot of people are keeping up with their reading, asking me questions about it, and sharing how enjoyable the experience has been! Over the years, we've tried a number of through the Bible programs, but this is by far the most successful. Hardly a week goes by that someone doesn't comment to me about how meaningful the readings have been or discussed some issue that their study has raised.

Check it out on www.IBSDirect.com.

On stress in the ministry 2

So, here it is, the week of Christmas, and I find myself not only with Christmas Eve and Christmas Day services but now with a funeral on Thursday and another on Monday. And a wedding the following Saturday. So much for a relaxing Christmas! Talk about stress.

The interesting thing is that I am not stressed at all! For one thing, I "enjoy" funerals. Of course, I don't enjoy the fact that someone has died, but I find funerals to be a time that I can provide real help to a family in a time of great need. And since my funerals tend to be fairly simple (scripture readings and a brief meditation), they are not difficult for me to put together. For years I have said that I'd rather do a funeral than a wedding any day! Finally, this year I realized why: in a funeral, I am in charge; but in a wedding NO ONE is in charge! (Though the bride, the bride's mother, and assorted other people think they're in charge!)

So it's a busy week for me, but not terribly stressful (except for the wedding, of course! :)

On stress in the ministry

Some years ago I put together a seminar on "Burnout in the Ministry" that reflected some of the struggles I was experiencing. Each time I gave that presentation to small groups of pastors it had a different focus. At first, time management was the culprit. Then understanding your gifts and skill-sets. Finally, it was tailoring your ministry expectations to the type of church you pastored. But I have grown to understand that ministry, by nature, is a stressful calling. After all, we are working alongside several sets of expectations: God's, our people's, our family's, and our own expectations of ourselves. (That last one is probably the greatest stressor of them all! At least it has been for me.)

God's expectations are incredibly high -- "be holy as I am holy." And I have decided that the only way I can deal with His expectations of me is to understand that His grace to me equals and far exceeds His expectations. I am stretched by His demands, but I have learned (and am continuing to learn) to rest in His mercy, and patience, and grace. And to understand that when He calls me to a task He will equip me to do that task. I have also come to understand and even to appreciate (as I have spoken of earlier) that ministry is suffering. It doesn't just involve suffering, it is suffering. When a pastor understands that suffering is not necessarily a result of failure in ministry but is instead a partner in ministry, he will not be so overwhelmed by it.

Other's expectations of me also create stress. But I learned a great lesson during a terrible crisis some years ago. A family in church -- who also happened to be our best friends in all the world -- were going through a divorce. Because they were such good friends (and probably because I had never seen close friends divorcing before) I made it my job to preserve their marriage. After all, I was their pastor; I was trained for such things; and, as their friend, I couldn't bear to see either them or us in such overwhelming pain. As you might have guessed, I failed. And in my failure I hated myself and I hated God for letting this happen!

But out of the sadness and anger and depression of that experience, I learned a very simple but terribly profound lesson that I have leaned on ever since. I learned to differentiate between my problem and your problem. As simple as that sounds, it has been lifesaving for me. Your problem (in the case of my friends) is to save your marriage. I can't do that for you. NO ONE else can do that for you, no matter how much we would like to! My problem is to help you, to love you, to be your pastor; but it is not to save your marriage. From that time on, whenever I am dealing with people and feel my adrenalin starting to rise and my neck muscles starting to tighten -- I stop and ask myself, "What is MY problem in this difficult situation and what is theirs?" That saves me from becoming (to use a term now out of currency) "co-dependent" and makes me a much better pastor and helper.

Finally, as to my family's expectations, I look back on 30+ years of ministry and realize that too often I put my church and my church work way ahead of my loyalties to my family. And I regret that. But I have also found my family to be far more gracious and forgiving toward me than I am willing to be toward myself.

One day at a time

How does a long-term pastorate evolve? Literally, "one day at a time!"

I was thinking about this as I waited for my cash at the drive-up teller this afternoon. When I moved to my present church I came with the idea of staying five years or so and then moving on to a more "desirable" congregation (meaning larger, more affluent, more "professional," etc.). So, because I wasn't going to stay for long, I didn't have my name printed on the church stationery. Why make them throw out a lot of outdated sheets? At the house, I kept a lot of our packing boxes, because I just assumed we'd need them soon. And, each year as I compiled the church's annual report, I wondered if it would be my last.

But along the way, one year turned into nearly thirty! There have been times when I've wanted to leave for one reason or another, and times that I tried to leave but it just didn't work out. But for some reason it was hard for me to imagine that I would stay here -- even though the church was doing relatively well. Perhaps it's just that sense that pastors are meant to move around! It wasn't until I turned 50 that it truly occurred to me that I could retire here. I realized that I was at a critical age -- if I wanted to move, that was the time because there's not a big "market" out there for 60-year old pastors! But I didn't want to move! This has been a wonderful place for us -- members who love us and support us, a job I look forward to (just about) every day! Why spoil it all searching for that elusive perfect church? (As someone once told me, "The grass is always greener on the other side, but that's because there's so much manure there!)

So it's been nearly 30 years. But, in reality, it's been about 11,000 days -- one at a time!

On funerals

I attended a funeral today that made me proud to be a pastor. The granddaughter of one of my parishioners was killed in a terrible accident, and this morning I went to her funeral. Funerals for children are incredibly difficult, but the pastors of this church did a masterful job. Their service was personal, hopeful, soulful, and even at times humorous. We mourned together -- deeply -- but we also left with a sense of quiet joy and hope for the future.

Few things disappoint me more than going to a poorly performed funeral. Instead of taking the opportunity to minister to the hurting family, too many pastors go through the motions, read their service books, and give too-long dry sermons that may declare some correct theology but fail to embody the gospel.

The pastor who learns to perform sincere, simple, and grace-filled funerals will build incredible "capital" and loyalty among his people that will -- over the years -- carry him through a host of potentially difficult situations. I was so honored several years ago when one of our senior members told me that I had to stay at the church long enough to do her funeral. I told her that, God willing, I would; and just a few months ago I had the privilege of keeping that promise.

The hardest part of being in the same church for a long time, however, is that I no longer bury my members, I bury my friends!

On crisis intervention

"What am I going to do now?" The question came from the daughter of one of my parishioners. Her own young daughter had been critically injured in an accident, and I had been called to the trauma center to be with the family.

While I don't enjoy trauma situations, I've learned to be very comfortable managing them. In many situations I am relatively passive, but in traumas I tend to take as much control as the situation and the people allow. Because -- for the people involved -- so much of their lives is suddenly out of control, I want to bring as much control back into their lives as I can.

That begins with the physical setting. Are people wandering about? I try to bring them together in one room, have them sit down, and in general bring some order to the chaos they are feeling. Where possible, I act as a liaison between the medical staff and the family. Because I often have access to the emergency room itself, I will go in frequently and find out what is happening. (In major trauma centers that's not always possible.) When medical people are with the family, I try to anticipate questions or provide clarifications where I sense the family is not really hearing what is being said.

Obviously, I try to provide what spiritual resources I can. "May I pray with you?" And I pray for the patient and the family -- especially that they might know Christ's peace and protection. I don't usually read scripture in these situations. Later, but not during the crisis. It's too easy to find some proof text that they're not ready to hear at this point.

I also try to make the family as physically comfortable as possible. Does anyone need some juice or coffee?

Once the immediate confusion subsides and the family begins to settle in for the long wait, I have learned to let the various family members cue me in to how I can help. As people move about, I will often talk to people individually and give them the opportunity to let me know how I can help them. "This is really a tough time, isn't it?" often opens up a conversation. But I have also learned that not everyone wants to talk, and I try to honor their privacy. This is often frustrating to hospital staff who want me to "do my job" and "say something 'spiritual' to make my parishioners' pain go away." Of course, no one says that directly to me, but I know that's what they're often thinking. But I have found that people will let me know how I can best help them through this long process.

The simple truth is that these situations are often incredibly painful for family members, and as much as we would like to, we can't relieve them of that pain. We can be with them in their pain, but we can't take it away.

The most frequent question is, "Why did this happen?" and is expressed in a variety of ways. As gently as I can, I try to let people know that I don't know why. I think most people know that, but they need to ask the question anyway -- and I encourage them to ask even if I can't give them a very satisfying answer. But along the way, I stress that even though we don't know what's going on, GOD does -- and He will be with them. I also try to assure them that God didn't do this to them -- that He's not punishing them by harming their loved one. As bizarre as that sounds, I find that a lot of people in crisis just assume that it is a punishment from God for something they've done (or not done).

As time goes on, I talk about how angry they're feeling -- toward the person who might have caused the accident, toward God, toward the medical staff, toward the patient, and toward themselves. I let them know that God can handle their anger, and I may even talk about times that I have been angry with Him. I listen to their hurts and questions, but I don't try to respond to all of them (again to the frustration of staff or other family members who don't think they should be talking like that!). I tell people that they are going to have all sorts of "crazy" thoughts -- and I assure them that they are not crazy. Their systems are just on overload.

Throughout the process I pray with the family or with individuals as I feel it's appropriate. I am always impressed by the power of prayer -- not just for the patient but with the family. It truly is a means of grace.

Most of all, I simply try to be with my people in their pain. I doubt that they will remember much of what I've said, but I know they'll remember that I was there. And to that extent, they will remember that God was there also.

On Advent sermons

I love the Advent season, but I've learned after 30 years on the job that there's only so much one can say about it. So I freely admit to repeating my Advent/Christmas sermons. I've said in other postings that I don't re-preach old sermons very much, but I make an exception with Advent (and with Good Friday/Easter). Oh, sure, I re-work them a bit, changing topical references, and every three or four years I will work up a new series. But (at least for me) there's not much more that I can say about Christmas that I haven't said somewhere along the line!

Just be careful with stories and memorable illustrations, because people do remember them! Sometimes I'll preface an old story with, "I know I've told you this before. . . ."

One of these years I'll get brave and just call my Advent series, "The Best of . . ."!

More on Networking

I do a lot of networking in our small city. When I came thirty years ago, we didn't call it that. I was just trying to introduce myself and our little church to people. And one of the best ways, I thought, was to join some civic organizations and get to know some of the officials and businessmen and women in town.

A lot of people would think all of that a waste of the pastor's time, but fortunately my congregation didn't. Instead of being jealous for my time out in the "secular" community, they were generous with it. Over the years that investment has "paid off" handsomely, as some of those contacts have translated into people coming to Christ and coming into our church. At other times, having a personal relationship with government officials has made it easier to get building projects done. And because the community sees me not just as one of the pastors but as a seasoned "civic leader," it has opened a number of unusual doors for ministry to people who wouldn't normally walk through my church's doors.

Just this past Sunday a civic leader (whom I have known since he moved to town to take his position) visited church at the invitation of one of our members. She didn't have to introduce him to the pastor, since we had served together on several committees over the years and were on a first-name basis. As with so many of these contacts I have no idea where this will lead, but I doubt that he would have responded so readily to her invitation if he hadn't already known who I was.

My member's comment to me (regarding this gentleman's quick response to her invitation) was, "The Holy Spirit was surely preparing his heart!" And, of course, He was and is. What she perhaps didn't realize is that the Spirit had begun His work at least eight years earlier!

The Elements of Pastoring

One of my favorite little books is Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. Someone recommended it to me my first year in seminary, and it has been a close companion ever since. With brevity and clarity it attempts to teach writers how to write. (Preachers would do well to heed its instructions as well. One of my favorite rules is #13: "Omit needless words.")

Some time ago (and much less formally) I began to keep a list I call "The Elements of Pastoring." If I were to think seriously about the issue, my list would be more comprehensive, but here is what I have so far:

1. Remember "The Peter Principle." ("In any hierarchical organization people rise to the level of their incompetence.")
2. Don't be careless with public worship, weddings, funerals, etc.
3. Enjoy the journey not just the destination. (A particularly difficult one for me!)
4. Be a person of grace.
5. Have something clear to say in your sermon, and say it simply and well.
6. Find your own voice as a pastor and trust it. (Stop trying to imitate the latest fads.)

What would you add to these?

On leading worship

It's Saturday night, and I have just finished going through my sermon. And I can't wait for tomorrow!

I love to lead my people in worship! I know some pastors are so consumed with the details of the service that they are not really able to worship (and I understand how that can be -- and sometimes I do get distracted by my role). But, for the most part, I truly worship with my people and I love it!

Of course, part of that worship experience is to bring them a word from God. And, fresh as I am from encountering that Word myself, I can't wait to pass it along to my folks. I am most effective in my preaching not when I focus on some "sinful" member of my congregation and try to figure out how to convince her to repent, but when I focus on my needy self and explore the text for the word of grace that I need!

I suppose that when Sundays become a burden to me rather than a joy, I'll take that as some sort of sign from God that it's time to move on to a new ministry. Until then I'll look forward to Sundays like a child looks forward to Christmas!

On church size

I know that the focus of these discussions is on the length of the pastorate, but I want to say a word about the size of one's church.

I enjoy pastoring a smaller congregation. It's certainly not as small as when I came, but we have just over 200 members. Gone are the days of my youth when I envied those in large churches! Large churches -- for all their many benefits -- bring large problems! (Not that small churches don't have their share of large problems, just fewer of them, I suspect!)

I was reminded of this last night as I was driving home after visiting one of our families who are caring for a dying father and husband. "John" has been in ill health for some time and under hospice care at home for about a month. Most recently as he has declined significantly I have been able to see him and his family at least once a day and often two or even three times through the day. I can do that because I don't have 2,000 members to look after. Granted, if I did have that many I would also have additional staff to assist me, but I enjoy the face-to-face contact I am able to have with my sheep. The thought of passing that off to my Pastor of Visitation doesn't excite me!

I used to think that pastors of smaller churches were somehow inferior to those of larger churches. I now understand that we each have our unique gifts and places. Indeed, I suspect that many pastors of large churches would be as incapable of pastoring my church (and miserable being here) as I would be in their congregations.

Wanting what you have is so much more important than having what you want (or think) you want!

On Coasting

The greatest danger I face in the ministry is thinking I've got it all (or even most of it) figured out! The truth is that ministry (like any other job) involves a lot of routines -- agendas, meetings, getting the bulletin figured out, returning phone calls, etc. But as soon as I allow it to become simply a job, simply routine, I'm in trouble!

The worst possible thing I can do is coast. And yet that's the easiest mode to fall into, because I've been doing this for so long. I've come to understand how the TV evangelists could fall into the traps that some of them have, because after a while, you begin to think that you're pretty good at what you do -- and you forget that ministry, at its heart, is what HE does through you. I can put on a "show" for a while, but pretty soon if I am just coasting in my own abilities, my humanity surfaces and I am driven back to grace!

For me, my daily exposure to the Word -- as I prepare for next Sunday's message -- keeps me humble and dependent. As I hear God speaking to Israel (or whomever), I hear Him challenging me not to coast but to rest completely on Him.

Some thoughts about sermons

It's Saturday morning, and I am sitting in my office, having finished tomorrow's sermon. I'll be back tonight to go through it a couple of times, and back early tomorrow morning to review it again (out loud) a few more times. Hearing my words is important -- what looks good on paper often sounds awkward or unnatural to the ear.

I've quit apologizing for not getting my sermons done by Thursday! First, I've been thinking, studying, and ruminating about it all week, so I knew coming here this morning essentially what I was going to say. (In fact, I fell asleep last night thinking about how I would organize the sermon.) Second, it's fresh for tomorrow. I don't have to "re-learn" a sermon that I completed days ago. Finally, I'm just a deadline guy -- it's the way I've operated for my whole life, and I'm not about to change now. At semester's beginning in college and seminary I always thought what a good idea it would be to get that term paper out of the way in the first few weeks. But, inevitably, the last week of the semester found me rummaging through the library stacks with my 3 x 5 cards, working on my papers!

My goal in creating a sermon is quite simple --— to give my people a word from God. That means I need to "listen to the text" and organize my sermon around it rather than organizing the text to fit my ideas. Clearly, my personality and prejudices color what I say, and I will focus on issues that another pastor might not, but I work very hard to keep the TEXT in capital letters and my grid in the lower case.

As John Stott says, "We come to our reading of the Bible with our own agenda, bias, questions, preoccupations, concerns and convictions, and, unless we are extremely careful, we impose these on the biblical text. We may sincerely pray before we read, 'Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law' (Ps. 119:18), but still the same non-communication may persist. For even that introductory prayer, though to be sure it is taken from the Psalter, is suspect because it lays down the kind of message we want to hear. 'Please, Lord, I want to see some "wonderful thing" in your word.' But he may reply, 'What makes you think I have only "wonderful things" to show you? As a matter of fact, I have some rather "disturbing things" to show you today. Are you prepared to receive them?' 'Oh no, Lord, please not', we stammer in reply. 'I come to Scripture only to be comforted; I really do not want to be challenged or disturbed.'" [The Contemporary Christian (Downers Grove: IVP, 1992), p. 190.]

For me the most important ingredients of good preaching are humility, simplicity, and integrity. My life needs to be congruent with the text. I don't need to be perfect, but I do need to preach to myself before I can preach to my people.

Long-term evangelism

A man whom I'll call "Dave" came to see me last week. I've known Dave for over 20 years. He's not what folks around here would call a "church-goer." Not by a long shot! He's been (as westerners might put it) "rode hard and put up wet!" But throughout the years, during some of the rough spots in his life, Dave had felt free to come by and talk. I've thought about trying to evangelize Dave in the past, but somehow it never seemed like the right time (whatever that means). Maybe I should have been more aggressive, but I'm just not the aggressive type!

But this visit was different. Dave was broken -- by another bad marriage and divorce, by business problems, and by who knows what else. "I've finally realized that I don't need another woman, I need Jesus!" And so, finally, we talked about Jesus. Dave still has a ways to go -- he still doesn't quite understand that sin is not just what we DO but who we ARE -- but he's so close to the Kingdom that he (and I) can taste it. I'm praying that he'll "get it" and take the final steps; and I'm pretty confident he will.

But my point -- again -- is that this was a contact that God has nurtured for years. And when Dave finally does stake out his faith in Christ it won't be a flash in the pan "decision" but the first step in a life-long walk of "discipleship!" And I'll have the great privilege to be there to walk with him.

It's worth it for a pastor to stay around long enough to see these kinds of relationships bear fruit!

Giving Time for Contacts to "Mature"

Sometime it just takes a while for personal contacts to "mature."

This past Sunday our elders interviewed a couple for church membership that I first met about 20 years ago. The husband was a reporter for our local paper and attended a service to cover some story he was working on. Sunday he told us that he never forgot the impression that the service made on him. So when his own church began to fall into some troubling doctrinal problems, they decided to join ours.

Just tonight I had a conversation with a couple I've known for 10 years or so through a community organization that we are part of. They had been talking to several of our members about our church and were impressed by their enthusiasm. I don't know if they'll decide to try out our church (I never try to "recruit" members from other churches), but if they do, it will be the culmination of years of personal relationship with them.

I could tell lots of similar stories of the benefits of "sticking around" and getting to know people in the community outside the church. These are opportunities that would never mature if the church traded pastors every five to seven years.

Satisfaction

Yesterday I baptized the third child of a couple I married 12 years ago. It's one of the most gratifying rewards of staying in one church for a long time. I hope within the next year or two to marry a couple who were both born while I have been here. What a privilege -- to see young people grow up under your ministry, get married, and begin a Christian family -- knowing only one pastor all their lives. It's one of the intangibles of a long-term pastorate.

Sunday morning

Different pastors bring different gifts to their callings -- some excel at counseling, others at administration, and still others at relational ministries. For me, everything revolves around the Sunday morning service. Not just the sermon but the service. I love to worship with my people. I enjoy preaching, but I see preaching as one (significant) part of worship.

I am not a great preacher -- I have neither the time nor the temperament -- but I think I'm a good preacher, and I work hard at it. Indeed, I have found that when pastors do reasonably well in their "public" ministries (preaching, funerals, weddings, hospital visitation), congregations often overlook a lot of their other weaknesses!

So I manuscript my sermons and then come in on Saturday nights and early Sunday mornings to go over the sermon enough times that it becomes a part of me. I don't try to memorize it, but I do want to know it well enough that I don't have to be constantly looking down at my notes.

I also believe that worship deserves the best of our efforts. Our service has a theme (an attribute of God based on the sermon text), and the music complements that theme (God is holy, creative, gracious, etc.). And I and our musicians work hard to do our best. I have often said that we don't have to be the best at what we do, but we ought to do the best that we can. Someone else may do it better, but we need to do the best that WE can, to the honor of Christ, in leading our people in worship. "Slipshod" or "careless" have no place on Sunday morning.

One final note: I prefer not to take Mondays off. I use Mondays to clean up all the loose ends from Sunday and also to take a preliminary look at next Sunday's text so I can be meditating on it through the week.